What I’ve Learned

I’ve been reflecting. Yes, I know that is scary, nonetheless I have been thinking a lot about where my life has been and, more importantly, where my life is going. In May, when I was finishing the campus requirements for my MA degree, I was so sure I would wake up any day and know exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It still hasn’t happened. In fact, I seem to have backslid. I only have one thing left to do to have my degree in hand, but I haven’t put forth any effort in doing it. Why? It recently came to me that I had to sit down and be honest with myself about all my life’s choices, not just the career related ones. I’m glad I followed my instincts and completed this self imposed exercise. It’s awesome, try it. See if you’ve grown into the person you wanted to be. As for me, I was happy to discover what I’ve learned: As a Christian, I’ve learned not to be a hypocrite. Why go to church, of all places, and sit around passing judgment on people? Aren’t most of us in service to become better soldiers for God? For the few who have an alternate, less well-meaning agenda, I have to trust that the Lord will work it out. As a mother, I’ve learned to strive for that extra modicum of patience. I wasn’t a perfect child, and I am not a perfect adult; therefore, how can I expect my children to always get it right? As a wife, I’ve learned to let another person share my burdens. I don’t have to do everything my way, or by myself. This was probably the hardest lesson of all. As a sister, I’ve learned to listen. Usually, my siblings and I couldn’t be more different. Still there are times when they need a shoulder that doesn’t come with criticism. As a sister-in-law, I’ve learned that you can speak your mind without being rude. But I also learned that in some cases, nothing short of clipped candor will get your point across. As a daughter-in-law, I’ve learned tolerance. So what if it’s not exactly the way mom would do it.  Change is part of the American spirit. As a friend, I’ve learned that you can, and should, love your cronies even when they make decisions contrary to the ones you would’ve made. Everyone deserves to be supported by the people who claim to really love them. Everyone needs to know that if they fall down, their true friends will be there to pick them back up no matter what. As a teacher, I learned to live by the old cliche, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I’ve met students who, on day one, seem to spell trouble, and I’ve met students who, on day one, convinced me it would be a joy. I learned that my job was not to care about day one, but, instead, help each student to realize his or her potential. I get the greatest pleasure in seeing a student who initially struggled, make it to the end successfully. As a writer, I learned that nothing is worth sacrificing your reputation. Sometimes you get only one shot. Thank God, this isn’t a lesson I had to learn the hard way. As an employee, I learned that you don’t always have to agree with the boss, but you should try to respect the fact that he or she is your boss, and probably for a good reason. As an employer, I learned that while I prefer to be feared than liked, the only ways to ensure that people are going to give you 100% is for you to show that you are willing to work just as hard as they do, and to make them feel valued. As a neighbor, I’ve learned to smile and wave. I don’t have to like or be friends with someone to be cordial. All of my self-reflection has helped. I know who I am, and I know what I want to be. I want to be a writer. I want to be a blogger, I want to be a reporter, and, one day, I want to be a novelist. I pray every day that I reach my goals. No matter where I land, however, I am, at the very least, a good person. I am also going to be a great new employee – considering what I’ve learned.

They’re my breasts and I don’t have to breastfeed if I don’t want to

Yesterday you were let in on my little secret that I am pregnant. Technically, it’s not a secret. I am the only one trying to pretend it isn’t so. Even though I already have two children, I still pick up current copies of baby magazines to remind myself of the torture I am headed for, and to see what the experts are calling the new ways to be a better mom. Personally, I think the fact that my children are well-fed, are being well-educated, and have a roof over their heads where they are allowed free expression, makes them lucky kids. Alas, others do not agree. I am reading more and more from women who posit that women who don’t breast feed are not committed to their children. It is being said that women who don’t breastfeed are lazy, and that they can’t possibly want what is best for their child(ren). To women who make such harsh allegations I say: If you want my children to be breastfed, bring your boobs over here – mine are busy. Neither of my two children have ever had a drop of breast milk. When my oldest was born, I knew I’d be returning to work when he was three weeks old, and I had no interest in going back to work with boobs that leaked just because the wind blew. I also didn’t care to sneak off to pump milk, then try to find a place to store it, all in the middle of my work shift. When my second son was born, I was only 28 weeks pregnant and didn’t have any milk supply. The truth is, though, I wasn’t interested in breastfeeding him either. The thought of a babe suckling from my breast really creeps me out. With a new baby on the way, the pressure is on greater than ever to nourish my child “naturally”. For my money, breastfeeding is about as natural as vaginal delivery – why the hell should I subject myself to either? Of course I know the touted benefits of breastfeeding. I won’t have to get out of bed at night for feedings. Well, I think a child lying in the parents’ bed is kind of unsanitary. Breast milk provides extra immunities. So do vaccinations. Bonding occurs during  breastfeeding. You assume I want to bond with my kids. Breastfeeding contracts the uterus, allowing some women to reach their pre-pregnancy weight more quickly. I always gain less than 10 pounds per pregnancy, I leave the hospital at my pre-pregnancy weight. I also found out that breastfed babies usually pack on the pounds at a more rapid weight that formula fed infants. Just what the world needs, more obese children. Breastfed babies have a bowel movement with almost every diaper change. The world also needs more landfills overrun with poopy pampers. Do my reasons for not breastfeeding make me selfish? Perhaps. But the experts also agree that more moms need to be a little bit more selfish in demanding “me” time for themselves. Hey, I can definitely be selfish and demanding. While I make light of my serious feelings about breastfeeding, I don’t recommend that others don’t try it. Every mom should decide what is right for her and her babies. For those pro-breastfeeding nuts out there, enjoy yourselves, but don’t spend you time turning your nose up at women who don’t do as you do. In fact, if you’ve got time to pass judgment, rededicate that time to a hobby. Finally, to be honest, there is another big reason I detest the prospect of breastfeeding. The truth is, my husband met my breasts (quite intimately, and quite often) long before I had children. To me, there are just some things a father and his sons shouldn’t share.

Nice Meeting Me

After some good-natured ribbing of my best friend, Ingrid, I, too, decided to join your community. Why? Well, mainly because I am home alone with little else to do. Actually, I have a few things to do, but they all require leaving my condo, and leaving the condo requires getting dressed. I own clothes – in fact, a lot of them – but something about the prospect of getting off my bum, into a shower, and then, finally, into the aforementioned clothes, lacks appeal at this date and time. It’s only 1:15 PM, so there is still time; however, it is my general experience that if I haven’t gotten it together by noon, it’s probably best to wait and try again the next day. Now that I am here with you (hopefully) good people, I should probably introduce myself. In fact, let’s skip right to the good stuff. I am a loud mouth eccentric who loves reading and writing, and I can probably be talked into trying anything legal at least once. I am a wife and mother, even though I don’t particularly care for men or children. That does not mean I am gay. I love the male form, especially the penis, but being heterosexual, and having decided to marry, my only choice was a man and, well, they have issues. God love my husband, but marriage has just required much more compromising than I am interested in. The only thing worse than that is negotiating with my 13 and 3-year-old sons. Several times, on any given day, I ask the Good Lord to steel my hand and keep from slapping one or all of them. Did I mention that I am 30 weeks into bringing son #3 into the world? Why? Well, I told you I love the penis. I should have remembered to buy it a rain coat, though. Other than trying not to get arrested for assault, my hobbies include reading classic literature, listening to country music, and writing short stories and poetry. I live about 90 minutes away from my immediate family and two best friends, so I spend A LOT of time on the phone. Since I am currently don’t work (despite my 2 college degrees), I’ve rediscovered my love for cooking by trying new recipes. Well, I don’t actually try them. I test them out on the hubby and kids first. If they don’t die within 24 hours, then I taste it to see if it is worth keeping around. Well, my husband just walked in, came pretty close to me then wrinkled his nose and walked away. About 20 seconds later, I heard bath water start. He’s over 6-foot-3, and says bathing is for girls (real men shower), so I guess that water is for me. This is an overt hint that I do not get to skip practicing good hygiene today. C’est la vie! Maybe I can sneak and skip out on brushing my teeth tomorrow. I have to go. I hope it was nice meeting me. I also hope to learn more about you all soon. I mean, except for Ingrid. There are some things about you I am still trying to forget. Love you.

Q